Change Your Appointment…

  “I’m not suggesting you’re a hypochondriac, but your gynecologist called to change your appointment.”

You’re just fine…

“You are just fine. This prescription is for me!

Have you experienced…

“Have you experienced hearing and vision loss or difficulty speaking?”

Lost & Found

“It’s a doctor’s bag, and inside is this container full of marijuana for medicinal use and…!”

Milk and Cookies

“Mr. Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.”

Rudolph’s Glow

“Judging by the glow, I’d say it’s a sinus infection.”  

Thanksgiving Nerves

“I don’t know why Doc, but I always feel anxious around Thanksgiving!”

Crash Diet

“You need to re-think the crash diet.”

Dog-Shaped Balloon

“Just so you’ll be relaxed, we’re doing your heart catherization “Just so you’ll be relaxed, we’re doing your heart catherization with a dog-shaped balloon.”

Bigger Eye Holes

“We can either prescribe glasses or cut bigger eye holes.”

Chest Pain

“I have this stabbing chest pain.”

Brain Surgery App

“Brain surgery? I have an app for that!”

Dr. Potato Head

“I just completed my PhD.  You can call me Dr. Potato Head.”

Little Piggie

“How long has it been since you went wee wee wee all the way home?”

Laughing Gas

Immune System

“I’m afraid neither your insurance nor your immune system will cover it.”


“Sorry, your health plan not cover injuries from discovering fire.”

Jelly Bean

“Your blood sugar is incredibly high, but, then again, you are a jelly bean.”


“I don’t care what the internet says. I’m sure there’s another explanation for your recurring pain besides voodoo.”    


“Yep, a classic case of being shot with a cartoon cannonball.”

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