Bananas
January 17, 2014
“Bananas again? You prescribe bananas for everything!
December 18, 2013
“Sudden weight loss, profuse sweating … I’m sorry, I’m afraid you’re melting.”
November 12, 2013
“High blood pressure, high cholesterol, high blood sugar, high anxiety … getting high is no fun at my age!”
October 17, 2013
“We found the problem – all of your internal organs are in this little bag.”
October 9, 2013
“Well, Mr. Hurley, it’s rare, but it is listed as a possible side effect.”
September 16, 2013
“With your occupation, obtaining healthcare coverage will be tough.”
August 9, 2013
“Take one pill three times a day … and my mother wishes to add that you should drink some nice hot tea and get right into your jammies.”
August 7, 2013
“Interesting. Your latest test results confirm that you are, in fact, allergic to Mondays, mornings, exercise, and stupid people.”
July 12, 2013
“You haven’t been taking your cholesterol medication, have you, Mr. Grosshart?”
July 11, 2013
“Asking the hot dog cart guy if three chili dogs a day is ‘eating in moderation’ does not count as a second opinion.”
July 1, 2013
“Don’t worry, if afterward you wake up, it means the operation was a success!”
May 28, 2013
“You can enjoy diabetes, high cholesterol, and hypertension or you can suffer from good health.”
May 8, 2013
“The red circles are your red blood cells. The white circles are your white blood cells. The brown circles are donuts. We need to talk.”
May 2, 2013
It’s an experimental procedure. Every time I sneeze, it unclogs my arteries!
April 22, 2013
My husband does most of the cooking now. My family got grossed out when I gave a sponge bath to our Thanksgiving turkey.”
April 8, 2013
“Eat less, exercise more, and alter your genetic code with the DNA of thin parents.”